And I Hold On
by jordanfan360
Summary: When you feel her slipping away, and all you can do is hold on. A clueless Dad and a stressed out Mom-not by choice. AH/OOC M for language.
1. Chapter 1

**This fic will come to you in short chapters. It won't be long either. **

_None of this is Beta'd. Please excuse any obvious mistakes._**  
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**Disclaimer: SM Owns Twilight. I like to play with E&B and make them mommy and daddy :)**

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><p>Ch1<p>

Breakfast time at our house has become a fucking zoo.

A zoo that I've somehow become in charge of.

I look around for the wife. She's nowhere to be found. She makes breakfast for our family of five, and then…poof she's gone, leaving me to this mess.

The kids are tearing each other apart…well the nine and five year old are. Bella has taken the two year old to wherever the fuck she goes.

I know she's in the house because she has to take the kids to school.

"BELLA!" I yell for her. I'm hoping she comes to my rescue. "Hey knock it off!" I tell Anthony and Jace. These fucking kids are something else. It's the same thing every day with these two.

"He hit me first!" Anthony yells. I resist rolling my eyes. This literally happens every morning.

"B'cus you licked my spoon!" Jace yells back.

I tell them I don't want to hear excuses, and when they both start arguing with me, I pinch them both in the arm.

"You're both asking for a spanking, I'd suggest you quit while you're ahead." They look scared and continue eating. Yes, I resort to scaring them to death. No, I won't hit them.

Bella comes running into the kitchen, wiping mouths and ushering the kids into their jackets. Matthew comes in with his little backpack and he crawls into my lap. I feed him some of my oatmeal and I sneak him a sip of coffee. His eyes light up and I shake my head at him. One sip is enough—Bella will kill me if I wire him up some more.

She hasn't even noticed me here. I watch her give the kids a pep talk…well more like 'please, for the love of God, behave yourselves at school!' while she fills their lunches and checks their backpacks.

"Edward! Why are you just sitting there? Kiss them goodbye, we're gonna be late!" I guess she did know I was here. I frown, because I haven't even gotten my morning kiss from her.

I kiss the little monsters and tell them to have a good day. They nod and tell me they love me. They've magically turned into little angels now that Bella is here.

I slip them a dollar each because I'm a sucker. I see Anthony snicker like he knows he played me.

Bella takes Matt from my arms and kisses the air by my cheek.

"See you later babe. Have a good day." She says as she pushes everyone out of the house.

I'm left here standing like a statue of no importance as I stare at the back door where my family has just left through.

The house is quiet again and I miss them.

But most of all I miss Bella.


	2. Chapter 2

_None of this is Beta'd. Please excuse any obvious mistakes._**  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: SM Owns Twilight. I like to play with E&B and make them mommy and daddy :)**

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><p>Ch2<p>

After dinner, I go over Anthony's homework to make sure he's actually done it and then time his reading per his teacher's syllabus.

Bella is upstairs giving the younger kids a bath. We usually watch a movie with the kids before bed. We pull out the sofa bed and cuddle up with whoever wants to jump in with us. It's our family time.

I love it and enjoy every minute. Of course the kids are well behaved since Bella is in the same room with us.

"What are we watching tonight?" Bella asks and starts to pull out the sofa bed. I get up to help her and shrug my shoulders.

"I dunno. I think Jace is picking it out."

"Okay." She says and plops herself on the bed, covering herself with a throw blanket. I join her and pull her toward me and give her a kiss. She pulls away too quick for my liking, and it kind of hurts my feelings.

"It's getting late, just put any movie on." She turns to the side and yells, "Jace, Anthony get in here! We're gonna watch the movie." She turns to me and quickly kisses away my frown. "Matt's asleep so…we might have some time tonight." She whispers as a little blush creeps up her beautiful face.

It makes me chuckle that she blushes like that. After ten years of marriage, she still blushes.

I fucking love her.

And more now, since I haven't had any pussy in…three weeks now.

Fuck! It's been three weeks?

There's not much we can do when we have a sick two year old that wants to sleep in our bed. Also the fact that Bella avoids me like the fucking plague. I try not to think about that, but maybe she's just not feeling it? I don't know…

I hover over her and lean down to kiss her. I deepen the kiss and start to massage her scalp. She's actually being cooperative and I'm taking advantage.

"EEWWW! Break it up guys, that's disgusting!" Anthony yells. Both, Anthony and Jace decide to join us on the bed and two kids immediately separate Bella and me. Why do they always insist on lying in between us?

An hour later, they are _all _asleep.

Including Bella. I sigh and slowly pick up Jace.

I take each kid up to their bed and tuck them in.

When I try to pick up Bella, she wakes up and insists on walking up the stairs.

I tell her that everyone is all tucked in so she doesn't go in and accidentally wake them up.

She heads straight to the bathroom and while she's in there, I take off all my clothes and get under the covers.

When she comes out, she's wearing sweats and one of my t-shirts. My hope of getting laid dies just a little. She settles in next to me but doesn't say anything about my state of dress, or undress.

"Come here baby." I pull her toward me and I slip my hand in the back of her sweats to massage her ass. I love running my hand over it, for some weird reason her cheeks are always cold. She hums as I start kissing and nipping her neck. I grab her ass cheek a little tighter and I press my cock to her thigh.

That's when she pulls away. Fuck my life.

I know what's coming and I roll away from her and onto my back.

"I'm tired babe." She squeezes my arm. "I can go down on you, If you want?" at this point, I don't even know what to do. I want to make love to my wife. Not have her suck me off so we could go to sleep.

It's like she's offering me a bottle to put me to bed like if I'm a child.

"No, it's okay." I turn over with a huff. I want her to know that I'm upset. Of course it's not okay, but what am I supposed to do? I cannot make her have sex with me.

"I love you babe." She whispers. She knows I'm upset but she's not gonna do anything about it.

"I love you too." I mumble.


	3. Chapter 3

_None of this is Beta'd. Please excuse any obvious mistakes._**  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: SM Owns Twilight. I like to play with E&B and make them mommy and daddy :)**

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><p>Ch3<p>

I wake up at 6am to find Bella laying next to me, reading on her ipad.

Have I mentioned that she's stuck to this thing when the kids are not around or don't need her? Oh but if I need her, she's on the damn thing.

Sometimes I just want to steal it at night and hide it. See if she pays attention to me then.

"Morning babe." I lean over and kiss her cheek.

"Morning." She looks up at me for a second and turns back down to read.

I know she'll reject me, but I try anyway—I rub her ass over her sweats. When she doesn't say anything, I sneak my hand inside her pants and run my fingers across her cheeks and down her crack.

She stiffens.

"Babe, not right now; I'm reading." She doesn't look at me. Of course not, she's too fucking enthralled by that shit.

I get out of bed, pissed as fuck that she rejected me, yet again.

I jump in the shower and jack off for some release. It's the only way I'll get it.

If that woman out there only knew, that all I want is _her_.

I jack off to images of her riding me—her big tits bouncing in my face and my mouth capturing one of her pink nipples. She comes undone over me and I follow.

I quickly scrub my body after I release.

When I get out, Bella is already out of bed. She's probably getting the kids up and making breakfast.

She left her iPad on the bed. I think she does it on purpose so she can come back up here and read while I deal with the chaos.

When I walk into the kitchen, Anthony and Jace are slapping at each other and I give them a look. They stop immediately. Bella is trying to feed Matthew but he is throwing the food everywhere.

She sighs. "Come on Matt, you have to eat so you can grow big and strong like Daddy." I smile and decide to take over for Bella.

When she turns around, her eyes look tired. Her hair is all over the place and she looks sluggish.

"Are you okay babe?" I touch her cheek. She rolls her eyes at me and looks around like if it's obvious.

Let me tell you, it's not fucking obvious. I asked her because I didn't know if there was something wrong.

"I'm tired Edward. And your kids make my life hell in the mornings. But you wouldn't know about that." She gets her coffee and starts to walk out. "Send Matt up when you're done feeding him, please. I'm gonna get ready…finally." she grumbles. I walk after her and stop her.

"What's that supposed to mean? _I don't know_?" I'm not upset with her. I just want to know what's going on. What am I missing here?

She turns to me and glares. I glare right back, cause what the fuck? "I do everything in the mornings. When is the last time you helped me get them dressed? Or fixed breakfast for everyone? Do you not hear how much I struggle with Jace because he doesn't want to wear a certain thing, or with Anthony who decides last minute that he wants something different for breakfast? I'm tired Edward. That's all." She throws her hands up, turns, and walks upstairs.

Have I been that oblivious?

How long has this been going on?

My wife needs help and I'm the sorry bastard that's blaming her for leaving me with the kids in the morning. Come to think of it…she's only been doing that recently.

I feel like an asshole that can't handle being with the kids a few mornings.

I hear crying and yelling coming from the kitchen and I run in to assess the situation. Anthony has Jace on a headlock, and poor Matt is crying because he's scared.

The asshole in me still thinks _where's Bella so she could handle this mess? _I can't help it. She knows what she's doing when it comes to the kids.

I pick up Matt and pull the other two apart. They're huffing and puffing and I instruct them to go to their rooms.

I follow them up and stop in our room to leave Matt with Bella so I can dish out punishments and take away precious game consoles.

When I walk in, the sight before me breaks my heart. I want to kick my own ass.

She's laying on her side, her body is shaking and I can hear her sniffling.


	4. Chapter 4

_None of this is Beta'd. Please excuse any obvious mistakes._**  
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**Disclaimer: SM Owns Twilight. I like to play with E&B and make them mommy and daddy :)**

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><p>Ch4<p>

"Bella, baby what's wrong?" I walk to her side and sit next to her. Her hands cover her face.

"Nothing." She mumbles. I sigh, frustrated because clearly there is something wrong.

It's been like this lately. She says nothing is wrong but I know there is. She's just so sad and distant from me.

Sex aside, she doesn't really talk to me anymore.

I know that's why I'm feeling lonely too. I miss her and I miss having real conversations with her. I just don't know how to do it—how to communicate with her anymore.

I don't know how to fix this…whatever _this_ is.

"We're gonna be late to school." Anthony walks in and grumbles. His eyes go wide when he sees Bella lying down. He runs to her side. "Mom, are you okay? What's wrong?" he looks up at me and squares his shoulders. "Did you make her cry?" he glares at me. I don't get to answer.

"Hey." Bella sits up and wipes her eyes. "None of that. Don't talk to your father that way. He didn't make me cry. I'm just not feeling-" he cuts her off by throwing himself at her. She hugs him tight. "It's okay baby I'm not sick. Go get your stuff so I can take you to school." She soothes.

I would volunteer to take them but I'm already late as it is. I feel bad. But what good does it do to just feel bad?

"I thought you were sick like Jimmy's mom." He mumbles into her neck.

"Oh no, honey. I'm not sick like that. I just need to rest." She pulls away to look into his eyes. "I'm okay. Don't worry." She kisses his cheek and shoos him away to grab his school stuff.

When he's out of the room I ask her who Jimmy is and what was wrong with his mom.

"She died of cancer last month." She speaks softly. "He's in Anthony's class, and when he came home, he asked me if I had cancer too." She starts crying again and I pull her into my arms.

"Shhh...Baby, don't cry. You're scaring me. What's really going on?" I squeeze her tight, because I just can't imagine losing my wife. She has to outlive me. I made her swear it to me a long time ago.

I think she was giving birth to one of our kids and I just made her swear to me, that she would live forever. I was on an emotional rollercoaster so she let it slide, but not without laughing at me first.

Bella holds my hand. "Nothing is physically wrong with me. You don't need to worry either…I'm just going through some things." I frown. If my wife is going through _things_, then I want to know about it.

"Like what? You can tell me anything."

She stands up. "I can't talk about it right now. I have to go." She dismisses it, like if it's nothing. But it's not. I know it's not.

She leaves the room yelling for the kids to meet her in the car. She doesn't even sound like she was crying, curled up on our bed, two minutes ago.

The kids come running in and I kiss them goodbye.

I stop Anthony. He still looks sad.

"You're mom's okay…she's just really tired. So when you guys get home, go easy on her. Make sure you and Jace listen to her…and please, please no fighting. Okay? You're the man of the house when I'm not here." He nods and I hug him again.

"Can I have a dollar?" he smiles.

I throw my head back and laugh. "Nice try, get outta here." I swat his ass as he runs out of the room laughing.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Happy New Year Everyone, have a safe one! This might be the last post today :) Thanks for reading.**  
><em>

_None of this is Beta'd. Please excuse any obvious mistakes._**  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: SM Owns Twilight. I like to play with E&B and make them mommy and daddy :)**

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><p>Ch5<p>

All day at the office I can't concentrate.

I keep seeing Bella so sad this morning. I can't handle seeing her cry. She's so strong and stubborn that she hardly complains. I feel useless.

How had I missed it? I don't know what _it_ is…but it's happening.

"Mr. Cullen, your two o'clock appointment is here." Lauren, my secretary walks into my office and hands me the files I need.

"Thanks. Did you get the copies for the client?" I ask her without looking through the folders myself. The less I have to do, the better.

"Yes, they're all there in that last file." She points to the one on my left hand. "Is there anything else you need before I bring them in?"

"Have someone set up the conference room with coffee and water…and make sure the AC is on in there. I'm also gonna need you to sit in the meeting with me to take notes—jump in if I forget something."

"Sure." She says and walks back out. I sigh.

I'm really not feeling this today, not when my wife needs me.

The meeting is successful, and I'm glad it's over. It ran an hour later than I expected, but I couldn't just walk out either.

I decide to leave early, well if five o'clock is early, since the most important stuff has already been taken care of here. I leave Lauren with instructions to tell people I'm in meetings the rest of the day. I'm pretty sure, I'll have a stack of message slips on my desk tomorrow.

When I get home, Jace and Anthony are lounging on the couch, playing UNO.

At least they listened when I told them they couldn't watch TV today. I thought maybe they'd give Bella hell about it and I almost called to tell her to let them do whatever and take it easy.

I hugged them and promised to come back and play a game with them.

"Mom's in the kitchen." Anthony says. "We were good today…but Matt was crying a lot. He's still sick." I nod.

"Thanks bud. I appreciate it." I looked at both of them. "I might consider giving you guys your games back sooner."

I left them to their game to find Bella.

I find her in the kitchen doing a million things at once. That's how she is. She does it all and never complains. Oh but she will complain if I help her, and I don't cut the vegetables right.

"Hey baby." I walk up behind her and she's slightly startled. She likes to cook with music on and I'm sure she didn't hear me come in a couple minutes ago.

She turns around in my arms and smiles. "Hi. What are you doing here so early?" she looks around me to the clock on the stove. When she looks back up, I kiss her instead of answering her.

She melts into the kiss and her body mold itself in my arms.

I can say we are good in this moment, but there is so much more that we are ignoring.

I reach back and take two handfuls of her ass. She squeals.

But just as fast, she pushes me away. "Baby, I have to finish dinner…I …I can't right now." She turns away from me and goes on about her business.

Well…I thought we were good. She just made a complete 180 right in front of me. She seemed happy to see me, but the minute I want to touch her, she retracts. This shit just isn't flying with me anymore. She's my wife, and she's acting like I disgust her.

In a split second, I make a decision and pull out my phone.

"I'm calling my mom to come pick up the kids." Bella turns around and looks at me surprised at the tone in my voice. I'm not fucking happy and she can now see it in my face in case she missed it. "You and I need to talk."


	6. Chapter 6

_None of this is Beta'd. Please excuse any obvious mistakes._**  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: SM Owns Twilight. I like to play with E&B and make them mommy and daddy :)**

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><p>Ch6<p>

I leave her in the kitchen. She follows.

"That's not necessary, Edward. And it's a school night; the kids have to be up early." She argues.

I ignore her and make the call anyway. My mom is concerned but I tell her that it's nothing serious.

"Pack some clothes for the kids, they're gonna spend the night." She's upset but she doesn't argue.

I tell the kids to go get ready; grandma and grandpa are picking them up. They cheer like if it's so bad living here with us. I roll my eyes and I somehow end up in a little friendly wrestling match with my boys.

"Get them ready Edward." She's pissy, opening and closing drawers, loud.

Twenty minutes later, my parents arrive.

"Is everything okay sweetheart?" My mom is a worrier. As far back as I can remember, she's been a worrier.

"Everything's fine mom…Bella, and I just need some time alone, we have some stuff to talk about." I smile and hope she doesn't worry herself sick.

Bella and the kids come down with their overnight bags. They tackle grandma and grandpa. Except for Matt, he's holding on tight to Bella. His eyes and nose are red. I feel bad that we're sending him off while he's sick, but it has to be done.

I _will _fight for this marriage.

I don't know if it's even in danger, but if it is, I want to do something about it before it's too late.

"Esme…the kids haven't eaten so if you can just stop by somewhere and get them something?" Bella asks.

"Don't worry, dear. We'll take care of it."

Bella hands over Matt to my mom and he immediately starts crying for Bella. He's all red in the face and starts choking as he gets a cough attack.

Fuck, I feel horrible.

I feel Bella's hard stare on the side of my face but I don't turn to look at her. she's trying to tell me, 'see what you're causing?'

My mom takes Matt and hurries out the door—like ripping off a band-aid.

I tell Anthony and Jace to be good for grandpa, cause he's in charge. They nod and Bella and I tell them goodnight and kiss them on the cheek. Anthony thinks he's too big for that and looks at my dad embarrassed.

When they're finally gone, I go back to the kitchen, looking for Bella.

She's putting away the food she started making earlier.

"I thought we'd eat first."

She doesn't turn to look at me and continues to put the stuff away.

"I'm not hungry anymore." She mumbles. "Why don't you go change and I'll be upstairs in a bit." She glances at me. I stand there staring at her for a minute before I nod and walk out of the kitchen.

Why is this so fucking awkward? She's my wife!

It's like if we don't even know how to have a conversation anymore…well maybe we don't.

And I'm here to try. I want to make this right.

But I can't say I'm not scared of what may come out of this. What if she's just done with me? We haven't made love in a long time, let alone a quick fuck. She just finds a way to get out of it or just straight out says she doesn't want to.

What am I supposed to think of that?

Our life wasn't like this.

I know the kids have slowed us down, but Bella and I used to connect intimately as often as possible. We'd rush to get the kids to sleep so we could have our "grown-up time."

Sometimes we would just get in our Jacuzzi and we'd give each other massages. It was the little things. We would always talk about our day, mixed with sensual touches and caresses. We didn't even have to have sex, we'd just be and wash away the stress of our day.

Bella told me she loved doing that—being able to unwind, just the two of us. Little by little, she just didn't want to do it anymore and I just let it slide. I didn't pay attention to it.

Our evening talks have become fewer and fewer…and again I never even noticed how bad it had gotten, now that I think about it.

It comes down to that—we don't talk anymore. And I don't know why.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Thank you all for reading :D_**

_None of this is Beta'd. Please excuse any obvious mistakes._**  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: SM Owns Twilight. I like to play with E&B and make them mommy and daddy :)**

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><p>Ch7<p>

"Baby, what's wrong?" I ask her. She's sitting in the kitchen crying. "Bella, come here." I lean down and pull her into my arms. She buries her face in my neck and sobs.

It breaks my heart.

"Shhh…baby."

I carry Bella upstairs and I sit on our bed with her in my lap. I rub her back as she cries and hiccups.

"E-Edward." She cries and fists my shirt.

"Bella calm down. Take a deep breath." She does. "Tell me."

That's all I want. I want her to just…tell me.

I give her some time to get it together. She struggles with herself, while I feel like a stranger looking in.

Eventually she calms down some and pulls away from my neck. It's now wet from her tears and snot.

"I'm a horrible wife…and a terrible mother." She looks at her hands and the tears just run steadily down her face.

"Baby." I lift her chin up to meet her eyes—she's so sad and desperate in a way. "You are the best wife and mother." She starts to shake her head but I hold her face still and kiss her cheeks, wiping away the tears. "You are." I insist. "Now, tell me why you feel like that. How can I help you?"

Her lip quivers.

"I don't know why." She cries into her hands. "I-I hate myself." She presses the palms of her hands onto her eyes, and rubs hard.

Why would she hate herself?

My heart starts beating fast, and I don't know what to do. What to say. I hold her tight.

"Baby, don't talk like that."

"It's true." She whispers. "I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I'm…I'm just stuck here—at home. And god, the kids drive me fucking crazy! But I feel so bad that I feel that way." I'm glad that she's talking to me…finally. "And you." She stands and places her hands on her hips. She's pissed now. "You don't help me!" she screeches. "I'm a single mother all of a sudden. What the fuck Edward? I didn't knock myself up; you just depend on me to do everything for the kids."

She paces. And she's thinking. Probably of all the stuff I haven't done.

Well fuck. I'm on the hot seat.

And I know I haven't been as…helpful as I should. It's just that she's so good at it—she always has everything under control.

"I'm sorry." I tell her.

She laughs but it's not happy. It's kinda creepy actually.

"I don't want an apology, Edward! I want you to help me. Fucking try once in a while!" I don't even know what that means. I'm here for her and I provide for my family.

"What exact—"

She cuts me off. "I would gladly give you a list. But the gist of it, help me with the day to day stuff. Get the kids ready in the mornings a few days out of the week, fix us breakfast, pick a room and clean it, or throw in a fucking load in the washer…just something. I do it _all_. And I'm sick of it! I'm not some fucking maid around here! I didn't bust my ass to get my Masters to be treated like one."

"I know you're not a maid." I stand and pull her in towards me. "Baby, calm down. If you don't want to clean the house, then don't. I don't expect you to. If you want to go back to work, we said you would after Matt turned three…but you can go sooner." She pulls away from me, anger flashing in her eyes.

"You don't fucking get it! It's not about _me _cleaning, it's about _you. _ I need you to get off your ass once in a while and help me keep the house clean and the kids fed and-"

This pisses me off.

"I work, Bella! I pay the bills and pay for this house that _you_ chose." I point out the window." I pay for your fucking BMW out in the driveway!"What else does she want? I work my ass off to give her the best. The kids want for nothing.

She has tears streaming down her face.

"I appreciate everything you've given us, but It's not about that. I'm perfectly capable of providing for my family too, but I chose to stay with my kids until they were old enough to go to school. Yes, that was my choice. But it's fucking hard and I'm trying to tell you that I need help! When is the last time I asked you for help, Edward? If I'm asking, it means I'm already drowning and I'd rather just give up than keep fighting alone." She whispers.

I'm at a loss. She would rather give up?

All this time, I've been trying to be there for my family…for her. And she feels alone.


	8. Chapter 8

_I meant to post this earlier and I forgot, sorry._

_None of this is Beta'd. Please excuse any obvious mistakes._**  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: SM Owns Twilight. I like to play with E&B and make them mommy and daddy :)**

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><p>Ch.8<p>

She's silent for a while.

I'm angry. Maybe I shouldn't be, but it pisses me off that she says I don't do anything.

Okay, so I haven't done any house cleaning in a while, but is it that bad? I can clean up some stuff right now. No big deal.

Bella moves to sit on the bed again, I stay standing, a short distance away. I don't know if she wants me close to her.

"I think I need a break." She whispers. My heart sinks. Is this fucking it? What comes next? A divorce? "I…I have this need growing inside of me that just wants to run away—from everything. And it scares me."

Fuck.

"Bella." My anger dies down some more. I can't stand to see her like this.

I can hear the hurt in her voice. I know this is hard for her. She has always been the strong one. Since the day I met her back in high school, strong and fierce. That was her…and she still is. I believe that.

I don't know how she even gave me the time of day back then, but she did and I've been in love with her ever since. I've never stopped.

I walk closer to her and she lets me sit with her. She leans into to me, resigned. "If you're overwhelmed, I think you should go—take a vacation or something. By yourself…or with me?" I'm afraid she'd rather be alone, than be with me. But if that's what she needs, then I would to let her go.

She nods, sniffling.

"But baby, you need to talk to me when you feel this way. You just withdraw from me…we're supposed to be partners. If you hurt, I hurt, baby." We are both silently crying, trying to hang on to each other.

I feel like I'm holding on, but she's giving up. Or maybe I'm thinking the worse here. I don't fucking know.

I just know that it hurts to think I might lose her.

"I think I need that." She agrees. "To get away for a bit—a change of scenery or something. That would be fun." She gives me a soft smile.

"Yeah…and maybe Alice will go with you."

She rolls her eyes even though there are tears continuously running down her cheeks. I chuckle.

I don't want her going off alone. I would rather her be with someone. Alice would be a good candidate and she'd even be willing to check in with me while they are away. It might sound horrible, like I don't trust Bella, but I want to make sure she's really okay. That's all.

I want her to be _okay_. I feel selfish saying that. I want my Bella back. She's not happy anymore, and I want to fix that. I'm used to being able to throw money around and get things done…but this is my wife…how can I fix her with money? It's stupid!

It's me. It has to be me that's the problem. I'll make sure she never has to lift a finger again cleaning the house…or I'll support her decision to go back to work.

Could that help? Fuck if I know.

"My sister loves you and I know you love her." I tease.

"I know. She's just a bit much for me. And we end up fighting when she tries to dress me." She grumbles. Bella can really stand her ground against my sister, but one of them always ends up upset. It's a love-hate relationship.

"Why are you still crying, baby? We just agreed that you are off duty and on vacation. Starting now if you want…" I know that we need more time and maybe Bella needs to talk to someone, but she should be happy. Right? "What else is bothering you, love?"

She looks up at me after she's wiped her face with her sleeve. She's still beautiful, even though her face is red and puffy from crying. She's my love. My everything.

I move her hair away from her face, and I study her. There is something else bothering her that she won't tell me.

"My leaving doesn't solve all our problems, Edward." I agree, squeezing her hand. "We need to work together, now more than ever. Like you said, 'teamwork' we need to _do_ that and _be_ that."

"We will and I promise to help you out. Now the kids…? I'll see if I can tame them for you. I might even be able to return one or two cause they're kinda broken." She elbows me and I laugh.

"My kids are not animals…but they do act like it." She chuckles. She slowly takes a deep breath and exhales. "But I'd really, _really_ appreciate a little more help with them since…" she stops and fidgets, suddenly finding her shoes very interesting.

We were doing so well. She's talking and then she stops.

"Tell me." I demand. I don't mean for it to sound so harsh, but I just finished telling her that we need to communicate more.

She sits up and looks me square in the eyes. "We're gonna have our hands full in seven months when our new baby arrives." What. The. Fuck?

I did not expect that to come out of her mouth. I think back on everything she's been saying…no, nothing that hinted that.

She's been going off about fucking cleaning and kids from hell in between crying and…well… more crying.

_Kids from hell_…maybe she was trying to tell me earlier. Fuck!

Bella is trying to look strong and determined, but her eyes give her away. I know everything she feels when I see her eyes.

She's scared shitless, just like me.

**~XX~**

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><p>* I don't know why, but this made me think of Edward for this story. He's trying to be this. LOL (missrenaaa's comment) Warning for strong language.<p>

jordanfan360 ( DOT )tumblr (DOT )com/post/15213528167/missrenaaa-then-raise-the-fuck-out-of-our


	9. Chapter 9

_None of this is Beta'd. Please excuse any obvious mistakes._**  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: SM Owns Twilight. I like to play with E&B and make them mommy and daddy :)**

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><p>Ch9<p>

"I thought you were on the pill." I blurt out. It's logical thinking; we weren't planning on having any more kids. Fuck, have you met ours? The two year old is the worse…okay I'm kidding, but were done. _Done_.

"Is that all you have to say?" she huffs. "Yes, I was on it. I might have forgotten to take one…or eight?" she peeks up at me.

Did she say she might have missed _eight_?

"Fuck, Bella. How could you let this happen?" I run my hands through my hair, pulling at the roots.

"It wasn't on purpose you asshole!" she's pissed, I sigh frustrated. "I don't want to have another baby…" she trails off and looks down at her hands. "Fuck!" she pulls her hair. "That makes me a bad mother doesn't it? This baby," she pats her flat abdomen, "It's not his or her fault…but I just…I can't be happy about it right now. And that is so fucking crappy. We should be happy." She whispers.

I pull her to me, I hold her hand, and I intertwine our fingers.

"It's bad timing, since it wasn't planned, but I know we're gonna be okay. It doesn't mean we don't love our baby…we're just shocked?" at least I am. I don't know how long she's known. I move my hand to her stomach and I rub it—where our baby lies. "I'm happy but so scared at the same time, baby. We're gonna have four kids…that's just…wow." I chuckle and it makes her smile a little.

"I know…I had like a month to think about it. I didn't want to accept it, and I didn't want to tell you yet." I kiss her cheek and wipe away the last few tears she shed. I think she might be done with the crying. "Then I just started getting all stressed out and I was overwhelmed like never before. It was scary—I had nothing under control. My own body was a traitor; I was waiting for my period for weeks!" She sniffled.

"You should have told me as soon as you found out."

"What are we gonna do, Edward? I'm really freaking out here, you have no idea." Her leg is shaking; I think I know she's freaking out a bit. "I don't think I can stay home another three years. Geez that's so long! I'm ready to give the kids back." She laughs.

I feel for her. She's been miserable and keeping it all to herself.

It doesn't mean she doesn't love her family—I know that. She loves our kids to death. She's wished for them since we were dating. Sometimes we mess around and say we want to give away the kids, but there is no truth to that. There are days that are simply amazing, and we all have fun as a family.

A situation like today… it's been boiling up inside her. It was gonna come out one way or another.

"Bella as much as we sometimes want to give them back, I think we would miss them more." I smile and I nudge her side. She juts out her lip and nods. I kiss her little pout away. "So that's out of the question…what we can do, is have my mom baby sit the kids while we work? She would love that. But it's up to you. We can talk about that later if you want."

"Yes, we definitely need other options right now. I don't want to overload myself anymore."

I kiss her lips and she lets me.

"We'll do this together. If I start slacking, you just knock me upside the head and I'll be back on track." She laughs aloud. It is a beautiful sound. Her smile reaches her eyes.

I think she feels better, getting it all off her chest.

"I _will_ knock you upside the head, don't tempt me." she points that mom finger at me. And I believe her. She may be small, but her left hook hurts like a mother. So I've heard…

I plant wet kisses all over her face, while she giggles and tries to push me away. I pin her to the bed—it is the most action I've gotten in a while. She doesn't pull away and that makes me happy.

"I hope we have a little girl." I whisper in her ear. My warm breath makes her body tingle; I can feel it. She nods with a big smile.

"It's gonna be okay, isn't it?" her arms wrap around my neck and she squeezes me tight. Those are Bella-hugs, the best.

"Yeah, baby, it is."

I kiss her softly, never moving my hand from her stomach. I'm almost one hundred percent sure, that our baby girl is in there.

We lay in bed, our legs tangled. We touch and we kiss. Nothing more.

We dream and hope, with no words.

We know that everything will fall into place, as it should.

We fall asleep in each other's arms, our hands on her stomach. And we can't wait to meet our new little one.

**~XX~**

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><p>AN

_**I have a little confession. This tiny story wasn't what I had in mind from the beginning. As I wrote the first chapter and so on, it had a mind of its own and came out completely different.**_

_**It's not the most popular story but that's cool. I've read it three times, and thought it was a little gloomy but nice :D**_

_**So thank you all for taking the time to read it. Anything I write, whether it be fuckawesome or lame, I will forever love and I'm glad I could share my ideas with you all.**_

_**The next and possible final chapter will have a time jump. It's meant to be a short fic, like a little glimpse a certain time. Maybe you'll understand in the next update...**_

_**-MEL**_


	10. Chapter 10

_ Here is the last chapter... I hope you enjoy!_

**Disclaimer: SM Owns Twilight. I like to play with E&B and make them mommy and daddy :)**

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><p>Ch10~BPOV<p>

~Present time~ (19 years later)

I have to admit, my husband can be a little over protective and a little irrational sometimes. The boys learned to live with it for my sake while they lived with us.

The kids know he means well…but it did cause many disputes over the years. I didn't mean for it to always end up being 'good cop, bad cop' but it did. Edward took on a more active role with the kids when I last got pregnant.

I still appreciate everything he did for me. I was a fucking nutcase back then. I can laugh about it now, but it doesn't lessen the fact that it was so hard for me.

Friends and family didn't understand what I was going through and we even had to stop talking to certain people. It still bothers me that some people said I didn't love my own kids just because I worked as soon as I was able to—during my pregnancy. I couldn't get out of the house fast enough. But that doesn't give people the right to judge me. I never saw those people trying to help me, so we cut them lose.

Edward always understood…well…he tried, but he was there for me—when people criticized me. He was there to comfort me through it all.

The birth of our baby was hard and the months that followed too. I've never been so depressed in my life. It was then that I got help from our family. My mom was with me for several months, while Esme watched the older kids.

I will forever be grateful to Edward for making my life easier through that time. He was the one responsible for making everything happen, just the flow of day-to-day stuff that I couldn't find the energy for.

All my boys moved out for college. And it was so hard to let them go. I regretted ever feeling like I couldn't stand them when they were younger. But what can I do? I was happy having my career, but I always made sure to be there for the things that mattered to my kids. If they said, 'mom are you gonna come watch me?' you bet I was there. Every single time. I did not miss a thing.

Matthew was the last of the boys to move out three years ago. He had the audacity to move all the way out to New York, without even a second glance at his mother. Yes, I was distraught but I am very proud of him. He says he's gonna be a doctor just like his dad. Edward was so ecstatic; he called his realtor and bought a condo not too far from Matt's school.

It's not the first time he did this. He did the same with Anthony and Jace when they moved to Seattle.

Edward made them promise to come see us during the holidays. And they have. I try not to roll my eyes when they bring a new girl each time and try to ignore all the co-ed sleeping going on in my house.

Anthony is the first and only that has made me a grandma. He has two boys, Jeremy and Ethan. My little loves, I call them. Edward and I snicker at him over the phone when he tells us about all the trouble they get into. He's married now, finally. I thought that boy would never settle down.

My other two boys are still going strong in school. And I tell them to stop whoring around every chance I get. I know it embarrasses them, so I do it a lot.

For the last three years, Sam has had full reign of the house. It's lonely having only one child at home, but I'm glad that I still have her. For now…

Sam is eighteen, and Edward has been shitting bricks about it since last year when she finally brought a boy home to meet us. It was not her first boyfriend, but we chose not to tell Edward that bit of information.

She dropped the bomb on us today, after showing us her acceptance letter to USC that she wants to move in with her boyfriend, Adam.

That did not go well with Edward. He was fuming for a good hour straight before he tried to convince her of all the horrible things that could happen if she moves in with the guy. That started up the shouting match currently going on in my living room.

Edward is pacing in front of the fireplace, while Sam and I sit on the couch holding hands. I haven't given my opinion on the matter, so she thinks she's found an ally in me.

"IT'S CALLED POST PARTUM DEPRESSION, DAD!" Sam shouts. "Matt was barely two before you knocked her up again." She huffs and rolls her eyes.

I don't know what has gotten into Edward, but he decided that telling our daughter about the time mom was going crazy with kids at home and finding out she was pregnant with her, was a good fucking idea. Well he was trying to scare her about having kids early, but that isn't working out well for him.

"WELL THAT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU! WHAT IF YOU GET PREGNANT?" the rage in his eyes is scaring me now. He narrows his eyes at our daughter and speaks low, "You better not be pregnant now." oh for the love of god!

"Edward! That's enough. She's not pregnant." I really hope she's not. I don't dare ask her in front of Edward, though. She's a smart girl, but it doesn't stop pregnancy from happening.

"You're not gonna scare me into changing my mind, Dad. I'm not even thinking about having a family yet and when I do, I wanna be like mom. I want to work and have a family, she juggled it all pretty damn well!" That makes me smile. "Mom just figured out that being a housewife isn't for her and it isn't for me either. I'm not gonna go to California and get knocked up. I'm not that stupid, Dad."

"Watch it Samantha." He warns.

"Dad, I'm not asking for permission. I just wanted to let you guys know what my plans are when I get to LA. Adam is already over there and he's just waiting for me to go." This girl is gonna give us both a heart attack. Of course, it's not an ideal situation, but I'm sure we can come up with a compromise?

I let go of Sam's hand and walk over to Edward. I know he needs me now. We are a team, after all. I squeeze his hand and he looks at me, his eyes so full of worry. I mouth 'it's gonna be okay' to him and he relaxes a little.

We both turn to look at our little girl, who's not so little anymore.

"Sam, you can't just dismiss our opinion on the matter. We are paying your tuition while you're out there. I think we still need to have some rules about living arrangements." She looks up at me incredulously.

"I thought you'd understand, Mom?" she looks betrayed, but I never agreed with her little plan. I shake my head.

"Honey, we just don't think it's a good idea that you should move in with him. We didn't even know it was that serious with you two. And what if you meet someone else out there?"

"I love him Mom." She cries into her hands. "We just want to go to school and be together."

I sigh. "Sammy, just give it two years." I kneel down in front of her and take her into my arms. "Live in the dorms or the apartment that Daddy was gonna get you. Focus on school first and then later on see if you two want to live together." I hear Edward grumbling behind me, I turn and give him a look. He quiets down.

She pulls away from me. "And what if I don't want to wait?" she asks defiantly. I never said this girl was easy to deal with.

"Then you can kiss your tuition money goodbye. If you want to go to school in LA and live with the guy, then you have to do it on your own. We're not paying for you to ruin your life." Edward states matter-of-factly. Fuck, does he have to be so harsh? Well…that was the deal from the beginning, but it sucks that it has to be this way.

"Gah!" she screams and stands up. "Well I hope you're both proud of yourselves, you're ruining my life…again!" she storms out of the room. And that right there tells us that we are doing the right thing.

She is eighteen years old, and I would be a bad mother if I let her move in with someone at such a young age. Living with someone is not a game…it's a lot of hard work. Work that she doesn't need right now. She needs to focus on pursuing her career first.

"I feel awful." Edward whispers as he takes a seat on the couch. He pulls on his graying hair. He's still just as beautiful as the day I met him. I thought he was a nerd, but still pretty hot. "I just don't want her to make a mistake…We're just trying to protect her." he talks to himself, he's trying to convince himself that we did the right thing.

No parent ever takes it lightly when your kid yells at you that you've ruined their life. It's the same as 'I hate you!' we've heard that one too, mostly from Sam. That girl was too spoiled as a kid. I blame Edward with his 'daddy's little girl can do no wrong.'

"She'll be mad at us for a while, but she'll thank us later down the road." He pulls me into his arms and I snuggle into him. He holds on like he knows how, and he loves with all his heart.

"I love you, baby." He mumbles against my lips. I feel it in my own heart when he says these words to me.

It's hard being parents, but I'm glad that all these years I've had Edward at my side. Sure, he slacked sometimes, but as soon as I would point it out, he was right on it again.

There is no one else that I would have wanted to raise kids with than _him. My Edward. _

He kisses my cheek, my nose, and then my lips again.

We kiss softly, passionately; there is no one at home to interrupt us. This is what it will feel like as we keep growing older together…our love still strong for each other.

There is no Bella without Edward.

And there is no Edward without Bella.

**~XOXO~**

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><p><strong>Thank you all who read and reviewed :D<strong>

**'till next time!**

**-MEL**


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